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Life Lessons I Learned from the Person Who Aggravates me the Most

We all have our own personal Nemesis. That one person who has been sent to Earth especially for us, to take revenge on us. It seems to be their only job in the world.

And this Nemesis is different at different stages of our lives and also in different aspects of our life. That person in office whose only job seems to be to put us down, take credit for our ideas and so on. That sibling at home who takes delight in teasing us and bullying us, stealing our stash of goodies and so on. that neighbour who plays loud music, hassles our visitors, throws garbage in our yard. You get my drift. We all have them. They can be one or many. But we all agree that they exist for the sole purpose of tormenting us.

I share my insights and lessons I have learned from all my personal nemesis (es). Sorry dont ‘know the plural of this word

Nothing is out there – There is nothing out there. What I see outside is an extension of what is in here. In here meaning my inner world. So if something exists in my experience which I dislike, then something exists inside of me that is creating it. I and I alone create my reality.

Wait a minute! How do I create the person who abuses me, or attacks me or is vile to me?

When I look at myself as a victim of another person or situation, I have no power. But if I look at the situation from a perspective of being responsible for that situation, from saying that at some level I have created this situation even though I dont know how, we start to retrieve the power. It is very simple. If I have created this situation, I have it within me to change aspects within this situation, even though I may not know how at this moment.

They are a perfect mirror – What I dislike about them exists within me. And that is exactly what I dislike within myself. So it is never about them. It is always, always about me. Every time that I get aggravated, if I could only look inwards and find out how they are reflecting me, it would shift in that moment.

Let me tell you the story of this woman who would look out of her window into the back yard of her neighbour. everytime she had a visitor, she would point into the backyard and tell her visitor how dirty the washed laundry was in the neighbours yard. This continued till one day someone pointed out to her- It is not her laundry which is dirty, but your window glass!

So could it be that they are not aggravating, but I am getting aggravated. If they are pushing the buttons, the buttons exist inside of me which are getting pushed.

They are my greatest teacher- Every situation which aggravates me exists for my greatest growth and expansion. Every person who is my nemesis, is here to teach me the biggest lesson. And by this I dont mean a punishment. Rather it is the greatest nugget that I can discover. A truth about myself which is hidden from me right now, and if I discover that, it will become my greatest strength.

If I look at my nemesis and ask, “What is it you have to teach me?”", I open myself to learning whatever it is I have to learn. Once I have learned the lesson, that wisdom becomes a part of me and that person or situation ceases to have an emotional charge for me.

But what if I have been doing this and I am still getting aggravated? Then obviously I havent learned whatever it is I need to learn fully. So I have to keep working at it until I learn it fully. I just have to hang in there.

Every problem has a solution – Every problem has a solution. There is no problem in this world which does not have a solution.

Oh you dont know my life! the problem I have is too huge, too complicated. I have to suffer through this problem in my life.

Do you remember the time that you were a student. Your teacher set a question paper during the exams. She had the model answer paper with her.

Isn’t this the same. When life sets you a question paper, the model answer paper also exists. So all you have to do is to disengage the answer paper that you are writing and connect to the model answer paper.

And it all begins with intent. What is the perfect solution to my problem? I am open to seeing it. Once I say this, life unfolds. Events, people and synchronicities happen and my issue gets resolved in a way that I could never even imagined.

So look at your personal Nemesis. Stop the blame and complaint. Look inwards. Reclaim your power.

Emptiness

Emptiness means to hold or contain nothing. To remove the contents of, to become empty. Total absence of matter.

So what do I write about emptiness. I have written about this before. I have written about erasing the slate and starting with a clean slate. But most people find the act of erasing to be the most difficult thing to do.

How can I be empty when the hurts, the pains, the angers of yesterday and all my yesterdays keep going on and on in my mind. Many a times I have wanted this state of emptiness in my mind. I have wanted a quiet mind. But I just don’t know how to get there. So how do I achieve this state of emptiness.

People talk about meditation to reach this emptiness. According to Wikipedia, Meditation is a mental process by which the practitioner attempts to get beyond the reflexive, “thinking” mind into a deeper state of relaxation or awareness.

But what is it exactly that I need to do in meditation. So here I want to tell you that there are 2 forms of meditation- Active Meditation and Passive Meditation. And I will share with you the technique to do both. And both these are really easy techniques. But the most important element in both is that you have to practice. And you have to practice consistently.

What is Active Meditation?
Active meditation means that the meditation is active. It means that you will sit still and close your eyes and actively engage in doing something. So what are you going to actively engage in. You will actively engage in visualizing and imagining. Visualization means to form a mental image of something as it is described. Eg a red rose, an orange, a mountain, a lake, a forest etc Imagination is the ability to form mental images of things or events.

So close your eyes and visualize or imagine. So what are you going to imagine or visualize? You are going to visualize that which makes you feel good. This can be a place of nature, somewhere that you have visited or even somewhere that you have read about or seen. It can be anything that makes you feel good, very simple. Immerse yourself in this experience, enter into it enthusiastically. If you are imagining yourself on the beach, engage your senses. Feel the warmth of the sun, the cool breeze, feel the sand under your feet as you walk barefoot, feel the water lapping at your feet, hear the sound of the waves the cries of the seagulls. Engage totally. Start with 5 minutes and go upto 20 minutes.

What is Passive Meditation?

Passive meditation is one in which you don’t actively engage in anything. Rather your aim is to achieve the pause between the thoughts. So how do you do Passive Meditation?

The Steps-

1. Time- Set aside a quiet time of 20 minutes for your first practice session. 20 minutes is an optimal time, neither too much nor too less.

2. Technique- Sit comfortably with your spine erect. You may sit on the floor or on a chair. Close your eyes and focus within. Take two long deep breaths. Then gently focus your attention on your breath. Don’t try to change your breath, just observe your breath. Feel the breath as it enters your nostrils and it leaves your body. Keep observing.

3. Observe- You may find that after some time your mind starts to wander. As soon as you become aware that your mind is wandering, gently bring your attention back to observing your breath.

4. Attention- Sometime you will notice that you are observing your breath and following a train of thought at the same time. Once again just bring your attention back on your breath.

5. No Push- Don’t try to push thoughts away. Your only aim is to observe your breath.

6. Consistency- The first few times you try this exercise, you may be able to observe your breath just for a few seconds. And that is fine. With consistent effort you will be able to increase this time.

7. No Thoughts- As you progress in your practice, you will notice that there will be times when you are not caught up in your thoughts, neither are you observing your breath. This is the state that you are aspiring towards in your practice. I call this the no thought stage. You may reach this stage in a few days or months or even years. The important thing is to keep up with your practice.

8. Coming Out- Once your 20 minutes are over, continue to sit with your eyes closed for 5 more minutes. This allows your body and your mind to transition smoothly into normal waking consciousness.

So once you begin your practice of meditation, are you going to achieve this Emptiness that we started our discussion with? What do you think? Practice and then share your journey………….

Things to learn from Japan

By Vimmi Sinha‎

1. THE CALM

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

2. THE DIGNITY

Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

3. THE ABILITY

The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

4. THE GRACE

People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

5. THE ORDER

No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

6. THE SACRIFICE

Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?

7. THE TENDERNESS

Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

8. THE TRAINING

The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

9. THE MEDIA

They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.

10. THE CONSCIENCE

When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.

Judgement

Judgement is the the act of judging or assessing a person or situation or event.

Judgemental is an attitude in which judgements about other peoples conducts are made. It also means inclined to make judgements especially moral or personal ones.

Yesterday I friended someone on Facebook. In the evening while checking Facebook I found 90% of my newsfeed full of stuff this new friend had posted. Now don’t get me wrong. All his posts were great. But to see my whole browser full of only his stuff really irritated me. And I was of a mind to go back in and unfriend him.

A little later I was working on one of my other blogs. Playing around with some techie stuff. Enabling social media sharing on my blog posts. Added a really cool feature, the Facebook Like button. To test it out I clicked on the Like button on several of my old posts.

Today when I went to my profile page on Facebook, I was horrified to see about 10 things I had posted last night because of my Like button.

And then it hit me. Just last night I was being so judgmental about this guy posting excessively on Facebook and here I had just done EXACTLY the same thing. What I was criticizing in him, was exactly the same thing within me.

So what if all the judgements, the criticisms I had about other people were not about them at all. What if they were all about me? What if all those aspects of me were things that I hated about myself? What if the other people were just being perfect mirrors of me?

What a revelation! My thinking was just suspended for some time. I sat there absolutely stunned absorbing this new epiphany which had hit me.

And then I started to see one by one the people in my life with whom I had issues. And as I looked at the things which really bugged me about them, I realized that I was the same. EXACTLY the same! What a horror! What I was not accepting about myself, I was not accepting about others. So the others were just being reminders about my own stuff.

And since then I am in awareness. When I see a judgement arise about something or someone, I look inside and I ask myself, “What is this person or situation reminding me about myself that I am not liking?”

And the moment I distinguish that, I come into acceptance of my own stuff. And from this acceptance arises an acceptance of the other person or situation. I feel free. As if a burden is lifted. As if I now have extra energy to use in my day. The energy which was needed to hold that judgement in place, which is now free.

So examine your life. Who are you judging? What is it about them that hurts you, irritates you, angers you or makes you feel helpless? Whatever it is, find it also inside of you. Ask yourself, ” What is this person or situation reminding me about myself that I am not liking?” And from this awareness, set yourself free. And set the other person free.

Apply this in your life. I would love to hear from you what has opened up for you from this enquiry.

Acceptance is Key- The Victim / Victimizer Story

 
Look at betrayal of trust. And it is a double edged sword. How your trust was betrayed and also how you betrayed trust. There are always the 2 sides. They go hand in hand. For one does not exist without the other. That is the design of the universe. 
When you feel betrayed you are playing the role of the victim, the poor me. But know this, the poor me cannot exist without a victimizer underneath. And this victimizer is the one who has created the external victimizer, so that you may feel that your poor me is justified. So the victimizer outside of you, is actually a victim of your inner victimizer. The inner victimizer feels the glee and the power as he creates victimizers outside of himself which then perpetuate the feelings of poor me again within him. And this cycle is endless. One feeding off the other and making itself stronger. 

The cycle can only be broken when you acknowledge what’s so. When you can look at and accept the inner victimizer. As long as you are running away from this aspect of your being, you are perpetuating the myth of being a victim. But when you are in acceptance of yourself as both the creator of the victim and the victimizer, you break this cycle. Acceptance is key. Acceptance without judgement, without making yourself wrong, without beating yourself up. 

And from this acceptance emerges relief, emerges freedom. For now you don’t have to hide this aspect of yourself anymore. The victimizer in you is out in the open. No more walls to keep it in and others out. It is a disengaging of all the energies you have spent in hiding it. 

So it is only in acknowledging this truth that you set yourself free. And the other side of truth is only love. And this is our default mode, our natural way of being. 

So what is the truth you are hiding? What aspect of the victimizer are you suppressing? Is it anger, hatred, revenge, cruelty, indifference, evil…………

These are all aspects of you. Look at each one of them. Allow yourself to see how they pervade your life and run your life. Dwell in this awareness. And then set yourself free. 

The See Saw

Let us examine our life today. And let us examine our life through a filter, a lens. If I am looking through a yellow filter, every thing appears yellow. Through a red filter, red and so on. So for today let us look at life through the filter of a See Saw. 

Every situation that we encounter in life has two extremes. And these extremes represent the roles that we play. And when we break down all the different roles that we play to the basics, there are only two roles really. And these two roles are the role of a victim or the role of a victimizer. So when we are playing the role of a victim, we are powerless. The people or the situations around us have the power, which they are using to push us, to dominate us, to control us to manipulate us. So in other words we become the victims of the situation, or person etc. Eg the subordinate with the boss, the child with the parent, the bullied with the bully, the citizens with the dictator. 

So now let us look at the other extreme, that is the victimizer. Here we have the power. We feel superior, in control. We are the ones doing the controlling, the manipulating, the dominating. Eg the boss with the subordinate, the father with the child, the bully with the bullied, the dictator with his citizens. 

What is interesting here is to just observe what role am I playing in this situation in my life. And in this moment of observation something interesting happens. Imagine that the victim and the victimizer are the two ends of the see saw. So in the moment I distinguish what role I am playing in this situation, I go to the other end of the see saw. There is no conscious effort involved. The process of observing creates the awareness and you slide from one extreme to the other. 

And then the opposite pattern gets repeated in your life. So if you have been a victimizer, you may go into guilt and blame yourself and in doing so slip into the victim role. 

If you have been the victim, you will become self righteous and experience this bravado and feel the need to punish, to take revenge and slip into the victimizer role. 

And this is an endless cycle. Moving from one end of the see saw to the other.

So just how can I break this vicious cycle. And where is the place to go when I break this cycle?

And herein lies the answer. The answer lies in the awareness, the awareness is always the key. Begin by identifying the role that you are playing in any situation. And in the act of identifying, catch yourself shifting to the other extreme. Allow yourself to slide and stand in the center of the see saw. And just remain there. And when you have found your center, the burden will start to lift away and you will experience the lightness, the freedom, the emptiness. 

And this is the point of balance. It is the point of integration where both the victim and the victimizer become a part of you and merge with you. So neither is there loss of power nor is there control and manipulation. 

And what emerges from this integration and balance is your inner power. And this inner power is soft, it has confidence in itself, it does not need to put another down to prove it’s point. It has wisdom and compassion within it. It is all encompassing. It is expansive. 

Find your balance today. And allow this inner wellspring of your power emerge. 

Equanimity

Just what is Equanimity?  The quality of being calm and undisturbed, evenness of mind and temper, composure. And you would agree that it is the quality of maintaining your composure even when provocation exists.

We live in an interconnected Universe, an intermingling Universe. So we would all agree that there is no way that we are not exposed to other people. The only way would be to become a hermit and retreat into a jungle. However for most of us that is just not a feasible option.

So just what is the practice of maintaining equanimity when there is provocation from the outside. And is it even possible to achieve this. Or is this the gift given by birth to those few lucky individuals.

Equanimity is a habit. And like every other habit it needs to be cultivated and it needs to be inculcated within our being.

So just what it is that we need to do. The first step to developing equanimity is to acknowledge that it is possible to develop it. And along with this comes the desire to cultivate it.

The second step therefore is the actual practice of it. So here you are going to find a point inside your heart which we are going to  name the Zero point. And this is your point of balance, your equanimity point. And so go and connect to this equanimity point. And as soon as you connect to this point you will experience calmness, peace, tranquility.

Now in the beginning you may not be able to remain here for very long periods of time. Just a few seconds or even minutes. So keep going back.

Initially you may have to close your eyes and sit in a quiet place to access this calmness. But with practice you will be able to access it with your eyes wide open and even when there is noise all around you.

So begin this practice now. Start with 5 min a few times a day. Once you start getting the benefits you will want to do it more and more.

Do not be deceived by the simplicity of this practice. Just do it. The benefits that you will get will be innumerable.

So inculcate a new habit today. A habit of being calm and undisturbed, a habit of even temper, a habit of composure.

Discovery

What is it that needs to be written about discovery. What is discovery after all. Is it a sense of wonder when you find something new? So what are you finding anew in your life today?

Today is a new day, a new beginning. So life begins anew today. Have you begun your life anew today, or are you regurgitating your past? How about wiping the slate clean and then writing anew. But are you really going to write anew here? If you have truly not wiped out your past, what will show up is just another version of the past. So you will have your present sandwiched between two pasts. So first wipe your slate clean. Check to see if there are any traces remaining. And then wipe those clean also. Once the slate is totally clean, then start writing.

And this writing is the process of discovery. the process of discovering first and foremost who you are not. The process of dropping all the masks you are wearing. The process of breaking all the patterns that are running your life. The process of dropping all your own images of yourself. It is a process of becoming totally empty, of Drawing back to Zero.

And from this Draw to Zero the new creation happens. Here is the beginning of the process of discovery. For discovery can arise only from the Emptiness. Now will emerge all the aspects of who you truly are. Once the illusions are dropped the reality emerges.And this reality is simple. It is Profound. And it is crystal clear. In this space of discovery will emerge your own truths. Your profound truths. And these are the truths of your inner being, your soul. And from your truths will emerge, bigger and greater universal truths.

So begin anew now! Begin your journey of discovery………

Evolution of Consciousness

Evolution is a gradual process by which something changes into a different and usually more complex or better form. 

Consciousness is a state or condition of being aware, sensitive or conscious. 

So evolution of consciousness is a gradual process of change of awareness of the human being. 

Just how does this evolution of consciousness apply to my life. We as a species are evolving. Does this mean that we are going to grow wings and start to fly? Who knows, maybe that is coming too. But the evolution that I am talking about is much more than that. It is the evolution of consciousness. And this is visible all around us. 

Look at the world events around us. This year began with no less than 3 revolutions. The young people of countries stood up all at once and said that they wanted to end dictatorial regimes. And the beauty of it is that there was no leadership. It is all the young people who stood all at once. Did this happen overnight? No it has been in the making. People standing together and saying it is enough. It is time for change. Evolution! People no longer ok with the way things have been. People reclaiming their power as sovereign human beings. Evolution!

Look in the last few years. A major change in the financial system of the world. All the greed and corruption weeded out from the huge financial sectors. Evolution! A restoring of integrity in the financial sectors. Evolution! Once again a whole shift in paradigm where people are no longer ok with the way things used to be. 

Look into any country of the world and you will see a shift happening in the bureaucrats, the politicians. A shift from greed and corruption towards service and compassion. Once again evolution! People standing up to vote for only those who stand in integrity and service. And those being weeded out who have abused the trust of the people. Evolution!

And now look at the children of today. And we all agree that they are different. They are smarter, more loving, more tech savvy than we could ever be. Evolution! Evolution always begins with the new generations. That’s always how it has worked. 

So when did this evolution actually begin? Did it begin today or yesterday or last year or even 3 years before. It began about 20 years back when a new breed of children started arriving on the planet, roughly around 1987. And they are called as the Indigo Children. And you can read all about them when you type these words into the search engines. And they came in different than the ones before them. They came in more aware, more sensitive, more conscious and they came in with a better form. All the attributes of an evolving consciousness. 

And guess what they are all young adults now. And they are all at the forefront of change and they are at the forefront of technology. They are the ones who invented the social media sites, whose outreach has touched millions in just a few months. They are the ones who are standing up in every sphere of life and saying enough. We don’t want to live this way anymore. 

They are the ones who want to create a new world, a world of joy and peace and harmony. They are the ones standing upto the dictators of the world. They are the ones bringing a revolution in the financial sectors of the world. They are the ones weeding out the greed and the corruption from the grassroots level. They are the ones who are standing up to be the new leaders of the world. And they are the ones who were born less than 24 years ago. 

They are born with a quantum mind and a quantum brain. They can learn things all at once. They are the ones who think out of the box. They are the ones who are the peace makers. Who are questioning why they have to hate their neighbors just because their parents and their grandparents and their great-grandparents have hated before them. They are the ones who want to create win win solutions for everything. They are the ones who would rather lift a pen than a sword to create solutions. But at the same time will also lift the sword to get the job done. 

They are the new humans creating a New Earth. A peaceful Earth. An abundant Earth. An Earth which unifies instead of separates. They are the peaceful warriors. And they are here to stay.